Happy October, beautiful! 💕
Yesterday, while listening to a church sermon, I heard something that made me stop and take a breath: swelling can look like growth, but swelling comes from injury. I’ve been sitting with that thought ever since. I know what it feels like to look at something expanding and call it good because it is getting bigger. The message made me ask how I felt while it was happening.
I thought about an organization I built in the past. It grew, and it grew in abundance. I am proud of what we created and the people it reached. I can also see now how much pain lived underneath parts of that growth. Some of the connections I made there taught me about trauma bonding. At the time, I didn’t always have words for what I was experiencing. Looking back, I understand why I knew I never wanted to return to that way of living and leading.
Hearing that message yesterday felt like a word for me but also a little pat on the back. I haven’t always known how to make the changes I’ve started making. I have questioned myself along the way. Still, I was courageous enough to take a step toward something healthier before I could see exactly where it would lead. I’m grateful to the woman who took that step.
It also helped me understand why I’ve been leaning so deeply into my core values, my emotions, and my healing. I want health in every area of my life. I want wholeness. I want to be able to grow and have room for joy inside that growth. There will still be hard work and hard days, of course, but I want to pay attention when the way I’m moving begins to hurt me.
That is one reason I’m learning not to rush myself. When I move too quickly, I can miss what my body and my feelings have been trying to tell me. Slowing down gives me a moment to notice the difference between an opportunity that stretches me and one that asks me to ignore myself. It gives me room to make a choice with awareness.
Maybe you’re looking at something in your own life that has grown, but hasn’t felt good for a while. You don’t have to decide what it all means right away. You can be gentle with yourself as you notice it. You can honor what you built and still ask whether the way you’re carrying it is healthy for you now.
I’m taking that question with me this week. As I make plans and consider the doors opening in front of me, I want to remember that I get to care about the life happening inside the growth. I’m so glad I began choosing that life, even before I had all the words to explain why.
Love always, ✨
Your most magical self
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