Slower, Wealthier, Happier

Happy Monday evening, beautiful 💋

Tonight, I find myself thinking about two things that have changed my life in ways I could not have imagined years ago. The first is being willing to ask for help. The second is being willing to ask for the thing that I want. While they may seem like two completely different ideas, I have learned they are deeply connected. Both require vulnerability. Both require honesty. Both require believing that your needs matter enough to be spoken out loud. For many years, that was not something that came naturally to me.

About ten years ago, I went through one of the most difficult seasons of anxiety I have ever experienced. Every morning, I would wake up with overwhelming anxiety. It was so intense that I became afraid to go to sleep at night because I knew morning was coming. At the time, I did not have language for nervous system regulation, anxiety disorders, mental health support, or any of the things I understand today. The only framework I had was the belief that I was under attack spiritually. I bought large poster boards and covered them with scriptures, placing them next to my bed so they would be the first thing I saw each morning. Looking back, I realize I was desperately trying to help myself. What I did not realize was that I needed support beyond what I knew how to give myself. It never crossed my mind to seek mental health care. Not because I didn’t need it, but because no one around me was talking about it.

Today, I am in another season where there are a lot of moving pieces. Recovery from surgery. Changes in work. Changes in contracts. Family decisions. Financial decisions. Life being life. The difference is that I now have language for what is happening. I understand what anxiety feels like in my body. I understand nervous system regulation. I understand that asking for support is not weakness. It is wisdom. Instead of trying to carry everything by myself, I can now say, “This is a lot.” I can ask questions. I can seek support. I can make decisions with care instead of fear. Most importantly, I can give myself grace while I navigate seasons that require more from me.

At the same time, I have been learning another lesson that has surprised me. I have been practicing asking for the thing that I want. Not demanding it. Not forcing it. Simply naming it. A few weeks ago, I wanted Panda Express. I mentioned it to my husband, but that wasn’t what he wanted for dinner that night, so I moved on. Later, while talking with one of my good good girlfriends, I mentioned that I had been craving Panda Express. Without hesitation, she said she would get it for me. And she did. Now, before anyone says that Panda Express is a small thing, let me stop you right there. The point is not the Panda Express. The point is the asking. The point is becoming comfortable enough to name a desire and allow other people the opportunity to respond.

Even today, while talking with my mom, she mentioned receiving an unexpected check for several thousand dollars. She said, “If you need anything, just let me know.” My immediate response was, “Okay, but I probably won’t ask.” We both laughed, but the truth is there was a lot hidden in that statement. As a child, I spent a lot of time in grown folks’ business. I heard conversations that were never meant for me and drew conclusions that followed me into adulthood. Somewhere along the way, I learned not to ask. I learned not to be a burden. I learned to assume the answer would be no before anyone had the opportunity to answer for themselves. What I am realizing now is that other people have the right to say no. I don’t have to say it for them.

So these days, I practice something different. Every morning I remind myself that people want to say yes to me. People want to support me. People want to work with me. People want to be in relationship with me. People want to help solve problems and create solutions. Not everyone will say yes, and that’s okay. But I have finally learned that I have a much greater chance of receiving what I desire if I am willing to ask for it. Whether it is support, guidance, a meal, a job, a client, an opportunity, or simply a listening ear, the answer is always no to the things we never ask for. So tonight, my encouragement for you is simple. Ask for the thing. Ask for the help. Ask for the support. Ask for what you desire. Then allow life to respond.

Love,

Your Most Magical Self 💋✨