Happy October, beautiful! 💕
I’m writing this at the beginning of the week, while I’m still in the middle of making sense of it. Recently, a door opened that I had not expected to walk through, and it brought two opportunities into view. Both have financial potential. Both would require something of me. And the one I keep feeling drawn toward is the one with the smaller compensation.
The first opportunity felt yummy almost immediately. The work connects to things I care about, and it offers something I hadn’t realized I was missing: community. I could imagine myself doing the work and enjoying the people and connections that come with it. I was interested before I even knew what it paid. I had to go look up the compensation later.
The other opportunity has the six figure plus number. It is work I know how to do, and I can understand why someone looking at my experience would see me in it. But it would place most of my time in an area I no longer want to spend most of my life in. When I talked it through with my husband, he could see what the larger income might make possible for us, and he encouraged me to go after it. I hear him. The number matters to me, too. I just kept wondering whether he could hear what I was trying to say about the work itself.
Then I had to ask myself a harder question: Am I turning away from the larger compensation because I’m afraid of it? I know fear can make a decision sound reasonable. I wanted to be honest enough with myself to consider that possibility. If the two opportunities exchanged compensation, though, I would still want the one that first felt right to me. That helped me hear myself a little more clearly.
One of my core values is autonomy. For me, that means I get to choose what I give my time, energy, and attention to. Financial growth is something I want, and I’m willing to work for it. I also care about what my days will feel like while I’m doing that work. A larger number would make a real difference, but it cannot answer every question I have about how I want to live.
I’m still considering both opportunities. I haven’t made a grand declaration or reached the end of this story. I’m listening to the practical concerns, paying attention to what each path would ask of me, and noticing how I feel when I picture myself in either one. Maybe by the time you read this, I’ll know more. If I do, I may come back and tell you in the comments.
For now, I’m grateful that I can have this conversation with myself. I can ask whether fear is speaking without assuming that every hesitation is fear. I can want wonderful compensation and work that feels connected to my values. And I can trust myself to take those desires seriously as I decide what comes next.
Love always, ✨
Your most magical self
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