Happy October, beautiful! 💕
I’m writing this over the weekend, while the feeling is still here. By the time you read it on Monday, I may feel completely different. But right now, as I sit down to celebrate what I accomplished in the third quarter and welcome a new one, I also feel sad about some things that have not happened yet. I want to be honest about both.
There is so much I’m grateful for. I can see the ways I’ve grown, the choices I’ve made, and the things I kept showing up for even when I didn’t know what would come of them. I want to celebrate all of that. And still, there are things I have hoped for, believed for, and worked toward for a long time that I cannot yet say are true in my life. Every once in a while, I feel just how long I’ve been waiting.
I don’t think the feeling is failure. I’m still here, still doing the work, and the story is still unfolding. Disappointment feels closer to the truth. I can see some parts of the life I’m creating so clearly, and it hurts sometimes to look up and realize I’m still on my way there.
I know how to find the yummy in my days, and I mean it when I say those moments matter to me. I love an afternoon that surprises me, a reason to laugh, or a little bit of beauty I might have rushed past before. I also want room to say that finding joy does not erase what I’m longing for. I can enjoy my life today and still wish that something I’ve been working toward would finally arrive.
So this weekend, I’m letting myself feel it. I’m taking a deep breath. I’m looking at the third quarter with gratitude for what I actually did, while giving myself space to be disappointed about what I had hoped would happen by now. I don’t need to turn the feeling into a lesson before I’ve even had a chance to feel it.
Maybe there is something you’re still waiting to see, too. If there is, I hope you can be gentle with yourself today. You can be proud of how consistently you’ve shown up and be tired of waiting. You can celebrate what has grown and acknowledge what still feels tender. You can keep moving toward what you want while taking a moment to catch your breath.
That’s where I am as this new month and new quarter begin. I’m grateful. I’m hopeful. I’m a little disappointed today, too. I’m going to give all of those feelings a place, and then I’ll keep going, because the things I’m building still matter to me.
Love always, ✨
Your most magical self
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