Slower, Wealthier, Happier

Let me start with something tender:

If you see yourself in this article, know this:

You are not wrong.
You are not bad.
You are not broken.

But you may be giving from a place that’s running on empty.

This one is not my personal story. I’ve had my own receiving blocks—but chronic overgiving wasn’t one of them.

Still, I’ve loved deeply and been in relationship with women who overgave like their life depended on it.

And honestly?
In some ways—it did.
Because overgiving was the only space they felt powerful, safe, and useful.

Until it became the very thing that broke them.

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Let’s Be Honest: Overgiving Is a Disguised Coping Mechanism

For a lot of us—especially Black women—overgiving is how we were taught to survive.

You’re the one who:

• Pays for everything, even when your own bills are behind
  
• Stays late, says yes, and never asks for help
  
• Is always the “strong one,” the “go-to,” the “dependable one”
  
• Feels guilty if you sit down while others are struggling
  

You give so much.
Your time.
Your energy.
Your money.
Your body.
Your peace.

But here’s the truth you don’t hear often enough:

Giving doesn’t make you safe. And it doesn’t make you lovable.

Especially if it’s being used as a shield to avoid your own unmet needs.

Overgiving vs. Generosity: Let’s Make the Distinction

True generosity is rooted in fullness.
It feels light, joyful, abundant. It flows naturally.

Overgiving, on the other hand, is often rooted in trauma and fear.
It feels exhausting. One-sided. Draining.

And most of all—it’s tied to a quiet question humming underneath:

“If I stop giving… will they still love me?”

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7 Signs You Might Be Overgiving (Not Generously Giving)

Even if this isn’t your core story, it may be operating in your relationships, work, or money energy. Let’s break it down:

1. You feel responsible for everyone’s well-being

You jump in to fix, to save, to hold it all together. Even when no one asked you to.

Why? Because being needed makes you feel safe. Loved. Valuable.

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2. You say “yes” even when your body says “no”

Your boundaries are weak or non-existent.

You’re tired. You’re overwhelmed. But you still say yes. Because saying no feels like abandonment—even betrayal.

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3. You rarely ask for help—and feel ashamed when you do

You’re the “strong friend.” You can’t imagine being on the receiving end. It feels awkward. Vulnerable. Exposed.

So you give, and give, and give… hoping someone will finally notice and give back.

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4. You keep relationships going through effort—not ease

You’re always the one calling. Reaching out. Doing the work.

And if you stopped? The relationship would wither.

That’s not connection. That’s imbalance.

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5. You feel depleted—but still keep giving

Your cup is empty.
You’re pouring from fumes.
But stopping feels selfish.
Rest feels dangerous.
So you keep going… until resentment builds.

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6. You overgive with the hope that it will be reciprocated

Deep down, you’re waiting.

For someone to love you the way you love them.
To show up the way you show up.
To finally make it feel even.

But they never do. And that’s not always because they’re selfish—it’s because they’ve learned to take from you without asking if you’re okay.

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7. You confuse self-sacrifice with strength

You think being strong means being silent.
You think love equals labor.
You think your worth is tied to how much you can endure.

And you’ve been praised for it.
You’ve been called a “real one.”
But strength is not about how much you can carry.

It’s about knowing when to put it down.

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Why This Matters in a Slower, Wealthier, Happier Life

Let me say this with all the softness I can offer:

You can’t overgive your way into the life you want.

Not in your relationships.
Not with your children.
Not with your career.
Not with your money.

Because every time you overgive, you signal to life that you’re okay with the imbalance.

You’re okay with being the faucet while others are the cup.

And sis… that’s not wealth. That’s depletion dressed in a smile.

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What’s Underneath the Overgiving?

Most of the time? It’s an old wound.

• Maybe you had to grow up too fast.
  
• Maybe you were the “fixer” in your family.
  
• Maybe you learned that love had to be earned.
  

Overgiving becomes the mask you wear.
It hides the fear that if you stop, you’ll be abandoned. Rejected. Replaced.

But here’s the truth:
The people who love you will still love you when you rest. When you say no. When you stop giving to get.

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You Deserve to Receive Without Performing

You don’t have to give 10 times to get 1.

You don’t have to prove your value through acts of service.

You don’t have to buy your place in people’s lives with sacrifice.

You’re already worthy.
You’re already enough.
You’re already loved.

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Journal Prompts for Unlearning the Overgiving Pattern

Sit with these questions in truth and tenderness:

1. Where in my life am I giving more than I’m receiving?
   
2. What am I afraid will happen if I stop overgiving?
   
3. Who benefits from me staying in this pattern—and is that sustainable?
   
4. What does generous balance look like for me going forward?
   

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Wealth Whisper Tip 💸

If you overgive from a place of emptiness, it’s not generosity—it’s depletion. Stop pouring from your survival mode and start receiving from your abundance.

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Come Heal in Community with Women Who See You

In our Wealthy Women Conversations Facebook group, we talk about this stuff—openly, lovingly, and without shame.

We are unlearning the hustle and the heaviness.
We are letting go of overgiving.
We are choosing softness, reciprocity, and receiving.

✨ Come sit with us

You don’t have to overgive your way into belonging.

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