With Love, Megan: The Uproar Over Black Women Choosing Themselves—And Why It Won’t Stop Us

For most of my life, I lived under the shadow of a single word: selfish.

I heard it constantly growing up, always attached to a warning, a lesson, a fear. My mother, without meaning to, planted in me the idea that selfishness was the worst thing a person—especially a Black woman—could be.

She would tell me, “Your father never had any other children. That was selfish of him.”

And somehow, I took that to mean that selfishness was inherent in me too.

So I fought against it.

I gave freely.
I said yes when I wanted to say no.
I poured into people even when my cup was bone-dry.
I made sure that no one—no one—could ever say I was selfish.

Until the day my husband said it to me anyway.

“You’re just so selfish.”

The words stunned me, not because they were true, but because I had spent my entire life performing the opposite. I had proven my generosity, my selflessness, my ability to always put others first.

And yet, here I was.

Still selfish.

And in that moment, something inside me snapped.

I thought, fine. If I’m going to be called selfish, I might as well own it.

That was the day I chose myself.

And I have never felt freer.

Black Women Choosing Joy Is a Revolution—And It Shouldn’t Be

Watching With Love, Megan on Netflix was like looking in a mirror.

Not because I have Meghan Markle’s life, her bank account, or her platform.

But because I have her heart.

A heart that has spent years in service to others. A heart that has been criticized for daring to prioritize itself. A heart that has had to fight to say, “I choose me.”

And the backlash she received? The way the world felt entitled to tell her what she could and couldn’t do, where she should and shouldn’t live, what joy she was and wasn’t allowed to have?

It was all too familiar.

Because Black women—especially Black women who choose softness, peace, and abundance—are always met with resistance.

We are expected to be the strong ones.
We are expected to be the ones who sacrifice.
We are expected to put everyone else first.

And when we don’t?

The world calls us selfish.

The Audacity of Living Softly

Let’s be real: people weren’t mad at With Love, Megan because of the content.

They were mad at the audacity of a Black woman curating a beautiful, peaceful life and sharing it with the world.

Because somehow, we are supposed to work for everyone else.
We are supposed to carry the weight of everything.
We are supposed to be accessible, accommodating, and endlessly available.

But we are not supposed to be happy on our own terms.

And yet, here we are.

This Life Is Not Just Aspirational—It’s Ours to Claim

One of the biggest critiques of With Love, Megan is that it presents a life that is “unattainable.”

But let me be clear:

💎 Black women deserve soft, luxurious, joyful lives.
💎 We deserve homes filled with beauty and warmth.
💎 We deserve fresh flowers, beautiful kitchenware, cozy mornings.
💎 We deserve peace, happiness, and the freedom to choose ourselves.

And no, this is not just for the rich.

I know Black women who live this reality every day—not because they are millionaires, but because they have decided that joy is non-negotiable.

They are buying the fancy dishes and using them on a random Tuesday night.
They are making tea in their favorite mugs, lighting candles, and sitting in stillness because they deserve that peace.
They are waking up in homes they curated with love, even if they don’t own them yet.
They are choosing their own joy—loudly, proudly, and without permission.

Because softness is not a privilege—it is a right.

Choosing Ourselves Without Apology

People will always have something to say when a Black woman prioritizes herself.

We will always be met with resistance when we dare to say:

“I don’t exist to be of service to everyone else—I exist for me, too.”

So what?

Let them talk.

Let them be loud in their disapproval.
Let them write their think pieces.
Let them tweet and complain and roll their eyes.

And then?

Keep choosing yourself anyway.

Because here’s the truth:

🖤 Choosing yourself does not mean you don’t love others.
🖤 Choosing yourself does not mean you are selfish.
🖤 Choosing yourself does not make you wrong.

It makes you free.

And I, for one, am never going back.

Final Thoughts: Keep Running Your Own Race

If With Love, Megan has taught us anything, it’s that Black women choosing themselves will always be controversial.

But so what?

✨ Choose joy anyway.
✨ Choose softness anyway.
✨ Choose the life you desire anyway.

And when they call you selfish, remind them:

“I get to choose, just like everyone else.”

Because Black women deserve to be the main characters in their own stories.

And we will not be stopped.

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Slower, Wealthier, Happier