I remember sitting in one of my therapy sessions, fully engaged in the process of untangling the patterns that shaped my life. I thought I had a solid grasp on why I struggled to release certain habits, relationships, and thought patterns. But then, in one of those quiet, earth-shifting moments, my therapist said something that stopped me in my tracks:
“You’re holding onto it because it still serves you in some way.”
At first, I resisted. How could something that was actively harming me still be serving me?
But then I sat with it. I started tracing back the habits I had been trying to break—the ones I knew weren’t aligned with the life I wanted. And the hard truth revealed itself: Even the things that no longer serve us often provide us with some small sense of comfort, reward, or relief.
- That toxic relationship? It still provided temporary validation.
- That habit of overworking? It made me feel accomplished, even as it drained me.
- That self-doubt? It kept me from stepping out of my comfort zone, shielding me from failure.
The realization hit hard: I wasn’t holding onto these things just because they were familiar. I was holding onto them because they still gave me something—even if that something was small, fleeting, or ultimately harmful.
And that’s the tricky part about letting go.
It’s not just about walking away. It’s about grieving the small good we get from something so that we can open ourselves up to something far greater.
Why Letting Go Feels So Hard
If you’ve ever struggled to let go of something—even when you know it’s no longer serving you—you’re not alone. Here’s why it can feel so difficult:
1️⃣ Our Brains Are Wired for Familiarity
Change is uncomfortable, even when it’s positive. Our brains are designed to seek out what’s known because it feels safe. Even if something is harmful, it can still feel safer than the unknown.
2️⃣ We Attach Meaning to Our Struggles
Sometimes, we hold onto things because we’ve invested so much time in them. “If I leave now, was all of this for nothing?” We convince ourselves that staying means our efforts weren’t wasted, even when staying costs us more than we gain.
3️⃣ Small Rewards Can Be Deceptive
Like I mentioned in my therapy session, even our worst habits give us something—relief, distraction, validation, a sense of control. But just because something feels good momentarily doesn’t mean it’s truly good for us.
4️⃣ Fear of the Unknown
What happens when we let go? What’s on the other side? Sometimes, we stay in our current situation because we don’t know what’s next, and that uncertainty can feel overwhelming.
How to Recognize When Something Is Harming You More Than It’s Helping You
Before we can release something, we have to recognize that it’s really time to let it go. Here are a few signs that something is harming you more than it’s helping you:
✅ You feel more drained than fulfilled. Does this habit, person, or pattern leave you exhausted, stressed, or empty? If you’re constantly feeling depleted, that’s a sign.
✅ You make excuses for why you’re holding on. Are you saying things like, “It’s not that bad,” “I just need to try harder,” or “Maybe it’ll change?”
✅ It no longer aligns with your values or vision. If you’ve grown and your situation hasn’t, it might be time to release it.
✅ You feel guilty for thinking about leaving. Guilt is often a sign that we’ve been conditioned to believe we owe something to someone or something, even at our own expense.
✅ You can’t see yourself in this same situation a year from now. If the thought of staying in this cycle long-term makes you feel stuck or miserable, that’s a powerful indicator.
How to Let Go (Even When It’s Hard)
If you’re realizing that something in your life no longer serves you, here are the first steps to release it and create space for something better:
1️⃣ Acknowledge the Truth Without Judgment
Instead of shaming yourself for holding on, acknowledge the truth: “I have been keeping this in my life because it gave me something. But now, it’s harming me more than it’s helping me.”
2️⃣ Decide What You Want Instead
Letting go isn’t just about releasing—it’s about making space for something better. If you remove a toxic habit, relationship, or mindset, what do you want to replace it with?
3️⃣ Mourn the Loss (Even If It’s Small)
Even when we let go of something harmful, it’s okay to grieve. You’re saying goodbye to a version of yourself that once found comfort in that thing. Honor that moment and give yourself space to process it.
4️⃣ Take One Small Step Toward Change
Letting go doesn’t have to be all at once. Start small:
- If it’s a habit, replace it with a healthier one.
- If it’s a person, set small boundaries.
- If it’s a mindset, catch yourself when you slip into old thought patterns and redirect them.
5️⃣ Surround Yourself With People Who Support Your Growth
Letting go is easier when you’re surrounded by people who remind you why you’re doing it. Find a circle that uplifts you and holds you accountable to your growth.
The Beauty of Letting Go
I won’t pretend that letting go is easy. But I will tell you this: on the other side of release is freedom.
When I finally let go of things that were harming me—even the ones that gave me tiny bits of comfort—I found something much greater: peace, clarity, and a deeper alignment with the life I truly wanted.
And you can too.
So, let me ask you:
What’s one thing in your life that you know you need to release?
It’s okay to take your time. But when you’re ready, know that something better is waiting for you.#SlowerWealthierHappier
#BlackGirlMagic
#92%
Slower, Wealthier, Happier 
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