Slower, Wealthier, Happier

My husband recently asked me what I wanted for my 50th birthday. Now, normally, I’d rattle off something practical, something “reasonable,” something that wouldn’t disrupt our plans or budget. But this time, something was different.

Instead of responding with my usual “Oh, don’t worry about me” or suggesting something that would benefit the household instead of my personal joy, I paused. I actually paused. And for the first time in a long time, I considered what would genuinely make me happy.

A list of potential gifts ran through my mind—something useful, something that wouldn’t make me feel like I was asking for too much, something that wouldn’t make me feel guilty for wanting it. But then I realized, this time, I wanted something just for me, no compromises.

I told my husband I’d get back to him. He looked at me, a little surprised, because I’m usually quick to suggest something small, something safe. But I needed to sit with this moment, to really think about what would bring me joy, not just what made sense.

And after some thought, I finally landed on it. I wanted a terracotta bread oven. A $300 luxury that I would have normally talked myself out of a dozen times over. Why? Because I’ve had this quiet dream—written on my 300 list years ago—that I wanted to become a bread maker. Not just a casual baker, but a real, flour-on-my-hands, yeast-under-my-fingernails bread maker. And now, I had finally slowed down long enough to make it happen.

Choosing Happiness Over Practicality

Fast forward to the weekend, and my husband, always the loving supporter, suggested we go to the store to check out the bread oven in person. But when we arrived, reality hit him—these things weren’t cheap. He was shocked at the price, and for a brief moment, I felt my old tendencies creeping in.

The old me would have quickly said, “Oh, let’s just grab something similar,” or “I’ll just make do with what’s here.” But I stopped myself. I had to remind myself that choosing happiness meant not settling. If they didn’t have the one I wanted, I wasn’t going to compromise. I wasn’t going to settle for “close enough.”

I walked out of that store empty-handed—but happy. Because I knew I was going home to order exactly what I wanted. And that felt like a win.

It’s funny how much we, as Black women, have been conditioned to make do, to settle, to adjust. We’ve spent so much of our lives thinking about what’s best for everyone else that we forget to think about what’s best for us. But what if we chose happiness every damn time? What if we stopped looking for what’s convenient, practical, or acceptable—and instead, leaned into what genuinely brings us joy?

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Pausing to Find What Makes You Happy

I want to challenge you with this: When was the last time you paused and asked yourself what YOU really want? Not what’s easiest, not what’s affordable, not what will keep the peace—but what genuinely makes your heart smile.

It doesn’t have to be a $300 bread oven. It could be something small, like taking yourself out for coffee without feeling guilty about it. It could be saying “no” to plans that drain you and “yes” to a quiet night of self-care. The point is, it’s time to pause and reflect.

Here’s how you can start:

1. Give yourself permission to want what you want.
   • No justifications. No explaining. If it makes you happy, that’s enough.
2. Pause before responding.
   • Whether it’s a gift, an opportunity, or a commitment—take a moment to consider if it aligns with what you truly desire.
3. Ask yourself: Does this bring me joy?
   • If the answer isn’t a resounding yes, reconsider. Life’s too short for lukewarm choices.

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The Gift of Experiences Over Things

Another realization I had during this process was how much I value experiences over stuff. When my girlfriends started planning my birthday, they naturally turned to our usual gift exchange tradition using Elfster—a simple way we select gifts for each other.

But this year, I didn’t want more stuff. I didn’t want things that would sit in my closet, unused. I wanted memories. I wanted time with my girls. I wanted moments that I could look back on and smile.

So I asked them to gift me experiences instead—places they loved that they thought I’d enjoy, gift cards for adventures we could take together, or time carved out just for us. And let me tell you, even making that request felt bold. Because deep down, I had to fight the urge to minimize my wants, to not “put people out,” or make them think too hard. But I stuck with it, and guess what? They were excited. They were happy to create those experiences with me.

Choosing happiness doesn’t just mean material things—it means shaping your life in ways that nourish your soul.

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Are You Ready to Choose Happiness Every Damn Day?

Happiness is an everyday choice. It’s in the little things, the pauses, and the intentional decisions to put yourself first.

Here’s what I want you to do today:

• Take a moment to sit with yourself. Ask, What would make me genuinely happy right now?
• Write it down.
• Then, take one small step toward making it happen—no guilt, no justification, no second-guessing.

And if you’re looking for a place to start, I highly recommend grabbing a “Happiness Journal” (you can find them on Amazon), where you can explore what truly lights you up and track your journey to joy.

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You Deserve This, Period.

For too long, we’ve put everyone else first. We’ve settled, minimized, and compromised. But it’s time to start choosing happiness every damn day—because you deserve it, sis.

So the next time you’re faced with a decision—big or small—ask yourself: Is this what I really want? And if it’s not, give yourself the permission to wait, to pause, and to choose YOU.

Because happiness isn’t a luxury—it’s your right. And I’m here to remind you that it’s okay to take it, unapologetically.

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Let’s Talk:
What’s something that you’ve been holding back from doing, buying, or experiencing because you thought it was “too much”? Drop it in the comments or share your thoughts inside our Wealthy Women Conversations community.

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