I remember sitting in my bedroom the night before my 40th birthday, feeling completely disconnected from the version of myself I thought I’d be by then. I had the house. The luxury car. Multiple degrees. A husband. A great job in corporate America. On the outside, it looked like I had checked all the boxes of what success was supposed to be.
And yet, there I was, getting ready for my first therapy session.
What I didn’t know then—but can say with full confidence now—is that I was drowning in anxiety. I had spent two decades chasing a version of myself that I hadn’t even stopped to define for myself. My entire life had been structured around meeting expectations—some mine, some from the world, and many I had absorbed without even questioning.
I thought I was doing everything right. But what I was really doing was running—running so far into my future that I couldn’t feel my present. And that, I realize now, is what anxiety really is: living in your future so much that you can’t enjoy where you are.
That therapy session didn’t fix me overnight. In fact, it took years before I could even name what I was experiencing. I had so many other layers of trauma, unprocessed grief, and unresolved emotions to unpack first. But that moment—sitting in my bedroom at 40, questioning why I felt so empty despite having so much—was my first real pause. And that pause? That was my beginning.
Now, 10 years later, I can say without hesitation that slowing down has saved me.
I don’t want you to wait until you’re 50 to figure this out.
Slowing Down Isn’t Falling Behind—It’s Coming Back to Yourself
We live in a world that tells us to move fast. To grind, to hustle, to never stop striving. And for Black women especially, there’s this unspoken pressure to always be doing, fixing, or saving something or someone. If we’re not overextending ourselves, we feel like we’re not doing enough.
But let me tell you something: the finish line will keep moving, no matter how fast you run.
And the real gag? You never had to run in the first place.
Slowing down doesn’t mean you’re losing—it means you’re actually living.
I had to learn that the hard way.
And now, I want to help you learn it faster.
How to Ground Yourself and Stay in Your Present
The reason so many of us struggle to slow down is that we don’t know how to be present. If you’ve spent years planning, preparing, and pushing yourself toward “the next thing,” it can feel unnatural to just be. But staying present—grounding yourself—is where peace lives.
Here’s how you can start:
1. Check in With Your Body
Your body always knows when you’re pushing too hard, even when your mind tries to override it. If you’re constantly tense, exhausted, or restless, it might be time to pause.
- Sit still for a moment and feel your feet on the floor.
- Take a deep breath and notice where you’re holding tension.
- Ask yourself: How does my body feel right now?
2. Find a Grounding Ritual That Works for You
For me, it’s water. As an Aquarius, I’ve always felt deeply connected to it, but I didn’t fully understand why until I started grounding myself intentionally.
When I feel myself spiraling into anxiety—thinking too far ahead, worrying about things I can’t control—I get in the shower.
- I feel my feet firmly on the ground.
- I touch my arms, my legs, reminding myself that I am here, in this moment.
- I inhale the scent of eucalyptus from my soap, waking up my senses.
- I let the water hit my skin and visualize the anxiety washing away.
And every time, without fail, I come back to myself.
What’s your grounding ritual?
Maybe it’s stepping outside and feeling the sun on your face.
Maybe it’s journaling your thoughts to get them out of your head.
Maybe it’s playing music that instantly calms your spirit.
Whatever it is, find it, and use it when you feel yourself slipping too far into your past or your future.
3. Ask Yourself These Questions to Stay Present
Sometimes, we don’t even realize we’re anxious or depressed because we’re so used to feeling that way. But here’s how you can check in:
If you’re feeling anxious (too focused on the future), ask yourself:
- Am I worrying about something I can actually control?
- What’s one thing I can do today to feel grounded?
- Have I taken a deep breath and actually felt this moment?
If you’re feeling stuck in the past (depression), ask yourself:
- Am I replaying something I can’t change?
- What’s one thing I can be grateful for right now?
- How can I show myself kindness in this moment?
You Deserve to Slow Down—Without Guilt
The biggest lie we’ve been told is that slowing down means we’re not doing enough. But let me tell you something: you don’t have to prove anything to anyone.
When you slow down, you gain so much:
✔️ More clarity
✔️ More joy
✔️ More presence
✔️ More space to enjoy your life
If I could go back and talk to my 40-year-old self, I’d tell her:
“You are already enough. You don’t have to earn your rest. You deserve to be here, now.”
And I’m telling you the same thing.
Now It’s Your Turn
I want you to take a moment—right now—and pause.
Take a deep breath. Feel your body. Look around. Name three things you can see, hear, or feel in this exact moment.
Now ask yourself:
- Am I living in my present, or am I stuck in my past or future?
- What’s one way I can slow down today?
- What’s one thing I can do right now to bring myself peace?
You don’t have to wait until you’re 50 to figure this out.
Start today. Start now.
Let’s Talk
Where do you feel like you’re rushing? What’s one thing you can do to slow down and be present?
Drop a comment below or join Wealthy Women Conversations, where we’re talking about slowing down, choosing joy, and living life on our terms.
And if you want to start grounding yourself daily, grab a “Present Moment Journal” (you can find them on Amazon) to help you track your thoughts, reset your focus, and embrace your now.
Final Word: The Future Can Wait—Your Peace Can’t
You don’t have to do it all. You don’t have to prove anything.
You don’t have to wait until the next milestone to give yourself permission to enjoy your life.
Because happiness doesn’t live in your next achievement—it lives in the moments you slow down enough to actually feel.
So pause. Breathe. Choose you.
And watch how your world changes.
Slower, Wealthier, Happier 
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