For generations, Black women have carried the weight of everyone else’s happiness on our shoulders. We’ve been the fixers, the nurturers, the ones who hold it all together when the world feels like it’s falling apart. But somewhere in the midst of saving the day for everyone else, we’ve often forgotten to ask ourselves a simple question: “What makes me happy?”
Let me say this clearly—you deserve to be happy. Not just content. Not just okay. But truly, deeply, happily fulfilled. Happiness isn’t a luxury; it’s a necessity. And it’s time to make room for your happiness, unapologetically.
The Emotional Toll of Being Everyone’s Everything
When you’ve spent your whole life showing up for others—your family, your job, your community—it can be hard to even think about what happiness looks like for you. The constant giving, sacrificing, and prioritizing of others’ needs over your own leaves little time to reconnect with yourself.
The truth is, this isn’t just exhausting; it’s unhealthy. Studies have shown that chronic stress and emotional burnout can lead to serious health issues. But beyond the physical toll, there’s a spiritual and emotional weight that comes with always being “on.”
And let’s not forget the cultural nuance here. As Black women, we’ve been conditioned to see strength as our defining trait. We’re the rock, the backbone, the ones who can’t afford to crumble. But what if true strength lies in allowing ourselves to be happy?
Why Happiness Matters for Black Women
Happiness isn’t just about smiling more—it’s about living a life that feels good in your soul. It’s about waking up and feeling excited, at peace, and in alignment with who you are.
For Black women, happiness is revolutionary. It’s a rejection of the narrative that says we have to put everyone else first. It’s a declaration that our joy, our dreams, and our desires matter.
Happiness also has a ripple effect. When you’re happy, it shows. It impacts your mood, your health, and even how you interact with others. And when other Black women see you prioritizing your happiness, it gives them permission to do the same.
How to Start Finding Your Happy
- Ask Yourself What Makes You Happy:
This may sound simple, but when was the last time you really thought about what makes you happy? Not what makes your kids, spouse, or boss happy—but you. Make a list. It can be small things like sipping tea in the morning or big dreams like learning a new skill. - Make Time for Yourself:
Start carving out time in your day just for you. Even if it’s 15 minutes to journal, meditate, or take a walk, this time is sacred. - Try Something New:
Happiness often comes from stepping outside your comfort zone. Here are a few free or low-cost ways to explore new interests:- Visit the library: Many libraries offer free workshops, book clubs, or creative classes.
- Check your city’s events calendar: Local community centers often host free activities like yoga in the park, art exhibits, or cultural festivals.
- Join a Meetup group: Look for groups in your area that align with your interests—like hiking, crafting, or dancing.
- Find Joy in the Everyday:
Sometimes, happiness isn’t about doing something big—it’s about finding beauty in small moments. Light a candle and play your favorite song. Watch a sunrise. Laugh at something silly. These moments add up. - Reconnect with What You Love:
Think back to when you were younger. What did you love doing before life got so busy? Was it writing, painting, dancing, or something else? Revisit those passions, even if it’s just for fun.
Reclaiming Happiness Without Guilt
One of the biggest barriers to finding your happy is guilt. After years of putting everyone else first, it can feel selfish to focus on yourself. But let me tell you: It’s not selfish to take care of yourself. It’s necessary.
You can still show up for your family and your responsibilities without sacrificing your happiness. In fact, when you prioritize your joy, you’ll find you have more energy and love to give. You can’t pour from an empty cup.
Actionable Tips to Find Your Happy
- Start a “Happy Journal”:
Each night, write down one thing that made you happy that day. It can be as small as someone complimenting your outfit or as big as a breakthrough moment at work. - Create a Happiness Vision Board:
Gather images, quotes, and ideas that reflect what happiness means to you. Place it somewhere you’ll see it daily for inspiration. - Plan a Happiness Day:
Dedicate one day a month to doing things that make you happy. Whether it’s spending time alone, exploring your city, or catching up with friends, make it a priority. - Say “Yes” to What Brings You Joy—and “No” to What Doesn’t:
Start setting boundaries that protect your happiness. You don’t have to say yes to every request. - Build a “Happy Squad”:
Surround yourself with people who make you laugh, support your dreams, and inspire you to be your best self. Your community plays a huge role in your happiness.
Black Women and Happiness: A Cultural Shift
As Black women, we’ve been taught to find our worth in how much we can give. But happiness isn’t about giving until there’s nothing left. It’s about recognizing that we deserve to receive, too.
When we reclaim our happiness, we create a cultural shift. We show the world—and ourselves—that our joy is just as important as anyone else’s.
You Deserve to Be Happy
Let me say this one more time for the women in the back: You deserve to be happy. You deserve to live a life that lights you up. You deserve to wake up feeling excited and go to bed feeling fulfilled.
Happiness isn’t a destination; it’s a journey. And every step you take toward prioritizing your joy is a step toward reclaiming your power.
So here’s your invitation: Go find your happy. Explore, play, rest, and dream. You’ve been everything for everyone else—now it’s time to be everything for you.
Slower, Wealthier, Happier 
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